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Perfect Relationship
There are numerous factors that contribute to the formation of a loving relationship. It certainly helps if two people share interests in how they like to spend their time. It also helps if they share values in religion or spirituality, politics, the environment, abortion, and personal development. It helps if they both eat fast food or organic food. It makes things easier if both are neat or if both are messy, if both are punctual or if both are late. Physical attractiveness is also very important. It's ideal if they share similar values regarding money and spending.
However, if one of these elements is missing, a couple can have all of these but still not have a loving relationship. All of the other wonderful characteristics will not be enough to make the relationship work unless this essential ingredient is present.
This essential component is all about intention.
At any given time, each of us is focused on one of two different goals: control or learning. When we intend to control, our deepest motivation is to have control over how much love we receive, how much pain we avoid, and how safe we feel. When we set out to learn, our deepest motivation is to learn how to love ourselves and others.
The desire to be loved rather than to be loved can wreak havoc on a relationship.
Let's take a look at a typical relationship problem and see what happens when the two different intentions collide. Jason and Samantha are emotionally estranged from one another, and they haven't made love in over a month. The issue arose when Samantha expressed a desire for an expensive vacation and Jason objected. Samantha became enraged, Jason caved, and they have been estranged ever since.
Samantha's goal was to have complete control over getting what she desired. She associates an expensive vacation with love, and she believes that if Jason does this for her, he will prove his love for her. She used her rage to gain control over getting what she desired. She wants to be in charge of making Jason feel special.
Jason's goal is to avoid pain. He gave up control of Samantha so that she would not be angry with him. He believes that by giving Samantha what she desires, she will see him as a good and loving husband.
However, because both Jason and Samantha were attempting to control each other instead of being loving to themselves and each other, their interaction created emotional distance.
What would have happened if their intention had been to learn?
Samantha would not have become angry if her intention had been to learn. Instead, she would have sought to comprehend Jason's objections. Jason would not have given himself up if his intention had been to learn. Instead, he would have wanted to know why Samantha was so invested in this particular vacation. Samantha and Jason would have been more concerned with themselves and each other than with attracting love or avoiding pain. They would have learned what they needed to learn – about themselves and each other – in their mutual exploration of why they each felt the way they did. Instead of Samantha ostensibly winning and Jason losing, they would have devised a solution that both of them could live with. Jason might have decided that the vacation Samantha desired would be fine if he had explored his financial fears. Samantha might have chosen a less expensive vacation if she had been aware of Jason's financial concerns. In either case, they would have been satisfied with the outcome.
No matter how much Jason and Samantha share or are attracted to each other, their love will fade if their intent is to control rather than learn. It's amazing how quickly love fades when one or both partners seek control. It's also amazing how quickly it returns when both partners are eager to learn.
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Getting Back To The Basics Of Love And Romance
Love relationship advice :
Almost every love story has the potential to start out as a fairy tale. "Once upon a time, two people fell madly in love, and their love was unlike any other." Relationship beginnings are wonderful, and they can undergo a 'rebirth' with a wedding, honeymoon, and the thrilling first year of marriage. When a couple's lives change due to jobs, children, social activities, and other commitments, it becomes more difficult to attend to their love and romance. Sometimes it appears that love and romance have vanished entirely. If you want to rekindle the passion or simply take it to a new level by becoming a hopeless romantic, this fate is unavoidable.
When you want to rekindle the passion in your relationship but aren't sure where to start, the best place to start is at the beginning. Consider the things you used to do for your partner at the start of your relationship. Don't worry if you don't remember or have never attempted to be a true romantic. It's not difficult, and once you start, you'll notice that you'll come up with your own new ideas after a while.
The majority of new relationships or new beginnings rely on the "little" things to show love and affection. Remember special 'couple' days like Valentine's Day, Anniversaries, and, if possible, the date you met. Send a meaningful gift, such as a dozen roses and a box of chocolates, to express your feelings for your partner. Women can do the same thing for men in this situation. Not many men can say no to candy!
You may not consider yourself a writer, but writing a long love letter to your partner in which you express your feelings for the other person is one of the most touching ways to spark romance. If you aren't comfortable writing a letter, consider making a list of your favorite things about your partner. Lists can include things that make you laugh, things that make you appreciate what they do for you, how they make you feel on the inside, how beautiful or handsome they are, and other very personal but attentive details.
Call your partner and speak softly and lovingly to them. Leave loving messages on their voice mail or answering machine if he or she is unable to answer the phone. When you know he or she won't be able to return the same conversation on the other end, talk dirty.
Couples may feel more at ease attempting to bring romance into their relationship by bestowing gifts on their partner. While traditional gifts such as flowers, candy, and perfume or cologne are almost always well received, try 'giving' something unique. Make plans to see every romantic film that comes out in theaters this year. Bring a bottle of champagne home to celebrate even the smallest achievement he or she has had. Send romantic and/or humorous greeting cards to his or her workplace at random, or hide them under his or her bed pillows at home.
These are simply suggestions to get you started on your journey to bring romance and love to a new level in your marriage. You may have your own ideas, which are most likely superior to anything presented here. Once you've opened the door to romance in your marriage and started laying the groundwork for future romance, you're ready to move on to more creative levels of romance.
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Bonus Quiz About Your Love
Signs of true love in a relationship :
You're becoming interested. You consider him/her. You want to be with your love interest. You are displaying all of the characteristics of a person in love. Is it love, though? Is it just infatuation that will fade with time?
Let's dig a little deeper into this. What's the distinction between love and infatuation? The first distinction is that infatuation is transient. It will soon vanish.
How will you put it to the test? Consider all of the characteristics that have led you to this love.
Consider another person. Assume that the new candidate possesses all of the qualities in greater abundance. Consider your options carefully and imagine as much as you can. Are you still in love, or have you switched your support to the new candidate?
Consider another scenario. Consider a bad argument with your lover. Consider him/her calling you different names and arguing with you furiously. Are you still madly in love? Will you return to them the next day? Or do you already despise them?
Take this quiz. Your beloved's physical attractiveness is fading after many years. Take photographs of some movie stars when they were younger and compare them to how they appear now. Do the same thing with your lover. Are you still madly in love? Will you still love them after so many years, when they've lost most of their physical allure?
Love is a feeling that endures over time. Love can take a punch or two in stride. Love is difficult to define, but when you are in love, you care more about your beloved than you do about yourself. With your true love, you become very selfless. Do you have that sensation? If the answer is yes, it is love. Otherwise, you should think more carefully.
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